I guess I should start at the beginning..

Ok not the beginning of time, but the beginning of Phoenix. She is a blessing in every way from God. A dream I never imagined would come true. She possibly saved my life and has always had my heart. I guess I should start with the other half, Chris. We met 6 years ago completely serendipitous . I knew from the moment I saw him he was perfect for me. He tried to take me home with him without realizing that we lived in the same apartment complex side by side! I went to my own apartment after giving him my number. From that night on we were together everyday. Within two weeks we were living together in his apartment, while he was in the Police Academy and I was working in a daycare. We had so much fun playing house, but soon enough it was time to take the next step. We found a realtor and picked out a neighborhood and empty lot. Every Sunday we would go to look at our new house and all the progress, then out to eat. It was SO much fun. We moved into our new house May of 2007. Around September we were sitting in our quite livingroom talking and snuggling on our leather couch when out of the blue I asked Chris if he wanted to have a baby. He said sure (in his nonchalant way) I was really excited, but then something dawned on me. We wouldn't be a real family in the traditional sense. Don't get me wrong, I am far from traditional, but if Chris and the baby were going to have the same last name I wanted to to! So I told Chris I didn't want a "baby daddy" I wanted to be apart of his portuguese family too. So he said ok. Just like that.. I jumped up from the couch and called EVERYONE I knew and told them we were getting married. ( I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind.. haha) Then came timing: We have always had to live our lives around schedules. Military deployments, and ofcourse Alabama football! So Chris was leaving for Egypt for two weeks in November. I planned our wedding for the end of October before his deployment and inbetween home games  giving us a month to prepare. We had the most beautiful simple wedding in our Backyard. Perfect weather, all our friends and family were there. It was the 2nd best day of my life! I had already stopped my birth control in September (what can I say Chris and I don't like to wait for ANYTHING!) By December we were pregnant. I couldn't believe it was that easy, so right away I started prenatal appointments and vitamins. I was watching what I ate and taking great care. Pretty much tiptoeing when I walked. Everything was great. We saw our sweet little baby with a strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. Chris had to go to Mississippi for military training shortly after. Then on a Friday at work I started to spot. Immediately for some reason I knew it was over. This pretty little picture that I had painted was starting to tear around the edges. The Dr. told me it was probably fine, alot of women spot in early pregnancy as long as no cramping was involved just to watch it. I was at 10 weeks by then. Chris was gone and I was alone possibly losing our baby. So Saturday my dad refused to let me give up hope, he took me maternity clothes shopping and out to lunch. On the way home the double over cramping started. I went to the Dr. Monday morning and had the ultrasound that showed my tiny baby limp, no heart beat. I was scheduled for a D & C the next day. I went home and had to tell Chris over the phone that our first baby had died. He asked if he should come home. I told him no. I didn't want him to see me completely fall apart. I was so attached to this baby, it was apart of me. I wanted it more than anything in my life. I felt completely responsible. The baby died inside of me, on my watch. So a few months go by and we are pregnant by the end March . I didn't get my hopes up. I was cautious and pessimistic. I still did all the right things but I wasn't going to get hurt again. Around 6 weeks into the pregnancy I had a terrible pain begin on my right side. It kept getting worse and worse. I knew again as I did the first time, something wasn't right. We go to the emergency room and they confirm that I am pregnant and that its probably just normal pains. So we left and the pain subsided. I go to my Dr. the next day to do blood draws every 2 days. The results come back great! So here we go, I let myself get carried away. The next 2 days I was oblivious, on cloud nine! They decide just to be safe to do an ultrasound at the next blood draw. I was terrified of ultrasounds, after seeing what I had the first time. So the tech begins and works to find my baby. She can't. Until she looks past my womb to my right fallopian tube. There it was. attached, making my tube expand like a little balloon. I didn't cry yet. I had been preparing myself for this. I was more pissed off than anything. The first loss was an awful fluke. That, I could maybe live with. But this, this was like a kick in the face. What were the chances. I was a relatively healthy 22 year old. My tubes were clear. We shouldn't be having this happen to us. I fell apart in the Dr. office while talking about options. I was to have a methotrexate shot that would kill the folic acid (ie. my 2nd child) in my body. Blood draws every 2 days to make sure that the shot is doing its job. My first draw came back and my HCG levels were to the moon. My sweet little baby was not giving up without a fight! I had normal levels as if it were a normal pregnancy. I had an emergency ultrasound to see what was going on. Low and behold our baby was just like any fetus you would see at 6weeks and it had a perfect heartbeat. My fallopian tube was stretched to the max but I was in awe of this child that would not be snuffed out by modern medicine. It wanted to live damn it. So I went to the bathroom and fell against the stall door and onto the floor. I apologized to our baby and basically told it that I had to choose. Either our dream had to die or both of us. Ofcourse the Dr. wouldn't give me a choice. Thankfully because honestly I may have just went home and waited for the inevitable. Emergency surgery the next morning was scheduled. Maybe 3 months and here I was again being put to sleep. Except this time hurt alittle worse on the inside. I was willingly taking my seemingly normal fetus to the hospital to be surgically removed.. We are told to wait 6 months before trying again. I am prepared to wait a lifetime. I didn't think I could do it again. Chris and I talked about adoption. Which I had always wanted to do. I had never wanted to have my own child until I met Chris. I know this sounds macabre, but he has 2 of the most dangerous jobs imaginable, and  I love him so much I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have him. So my thoughts as irrational as they are, I will always have a piece of him in a child. So 6 months go by, and we don't try or not try. A few more months and nothing is happening. I am getting more comfortable with idea of pregnancy again. I start really trying by now, because Chris is getting ready to go on the longest deployment I had experienced. An entire year to Iraq.. I was franticly trying to get pregnant. and nothing. It was so easy the first 2 x. Now I think I must really be broken. Chris came home in June of 2010 and the Dr. has scheduled me an appointment to talk about fertility options for August. I skip my appointment because we are having such a good time just us and I reschedule it for September. I get ready for my cycle at the end of August and doesn't come. As anyone with fertility issues know you spend each month waiting with a pregnancy test in your hand. So out of habit I took one, knowing it would be negative like all the others. And it was.. I wasn't too upset I had already bought an ovulation kit to try in September so I was just waiting to start my cycle! and I didn't start. I was starting to feel pretty rough like I was getting sick. So I let a week go by and on Friday September 3rd I took my last pregnancy test. It was very positive!! I couldn't believe it! I was so happy! Chris seemed pretty happy too. So I called my Dr. right away and started the fun 2 day blood draws again. And steadily they rose perfectly. We had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks and there was our little nugget! At 8 weeks we had another ultrasound. The tech was getting ready to do the ontop ultrasound and I tried to tell her I wouldnt waste my time, I was measuring behind a little already, but she started and there was our sweet baby with a strong fast heartbeat! Our baby phoenix started her life and I was kind of starting my new life with her. I know this is forever long, but I don't want to forget all the ups and downs that brought her to me.