The Fruit of my not so fruitful womb..

So around 8 weeks into my pregnancy with (baby bird) my pet name for Phoenix, I began the awesome road to morning sickness!! I was sick ALL day long. The first time I had picked up food from Ruby Tuesdays and we ate and went to lay down and watch a Gordan Ramsey show (we love Gordan Ramsey!). I jumped up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom where I tossed my cookies uncontrollably... And then I was totally fine like nothing happened. I told Chris what happened and he just said "thats morning sickness babe.." How amazing those first weeks of being so sick felt. It meant our baby was doing something right, we were on our way. Now Im not going to lie by week 11 of throwing up at stop lights, in work trash cans, etc.. I was over it. I didn't think I would ever feel better. Then the day after we hit the 12 week mark it was over... Completely like it never happened. So we were on our merry way again. I was eating whatever I wanted, (I mean isn't that what you are supposed to do?) It was mostly barbeque, pizza and strawberry delights cereal. and much to my shock sweet tea.. I have ALWAYS been an unsweet tea drinker. I hate sweet drinks. Unsweet tea obviously was not baby birds "cup of tea" so I actually started drinking sweet and loved it! lol Chris planned a trip 1200 miles away to visit his family, a road trip to be exact. Talk about a great plan. Lets take our 5 month pregnant wife in a car for 1200 miles.. It was grueling, but I do believe if we made it through that we could make it through anything! It was an awesome trip seeing his family right around the holidays and sharing our unborn baby with them. It was really neat. Then we had to drive 1200!! miles back home. I will never go on a road trip like that pregnant again! Baby bird slept most of the way which freaked me out! She seemed to have liked it though. Right before we left it was time to find out what we were having! I knew from the beginning that she was a she. I had always wanted to have a bunch of sons, but I knew I was going to have a little pink surprise. The night before Chris said "Its going to be a boy" so matter of factly I almost believed him... As soon as the ultrasound tech said "do you see those 3 lines" I knew! I squealed, its a GIRL!! Like I had dreamed of having a girl forever.. hehe Everyone in our family wanted a girl sooo bad! She is the first girl in 20 something years in both of our families and the 1st great grand daughter. Next up was my glucose test.. I failed the first one miserably. I never worried about gestational diabetes, I always thought my blood pressure would be my pregnancy downfall. (it was low my entire pregnancy!! lol) So the 3 hour test comes and I fail it just as bad. I cried so much, I felt like I had put my baby in danger some how. I was so upset, but went to the diabetic center and learned all about how I needed to eat and check my blood sugar. I was pretty diligent especially up until the end. I checked my blood sugar like crazy and ate really well. I ended up losing 20 lbs, and lets be honest, I could spare it, and how awesome to weigh less than when you got pregnant 9 months in! It was a blessing in disguise. Everything went really well for the 9 months. She moved all the time and it was pretty much smooth sailing. By 38 weeks we started talking about inducing. My Dr. didn't want me to go to far, making her quite large due to the diabetes. So I was to go one more week and talk about it on my weekly appointment on Thursday, April 28th. Everyone knows what happened April 27th in Alabama. The awful tornadoes that I was in the middle of, because I didnt want to stay at home by myself just in case something terrible did happen. I trust James Spann and when he says to put your bicycle helmet on you better believe I do! So I was at the Police Dept when it hit, and afterward with all the chaos, being stuck there, Chris' truck being totaled in the storm while he was at work, I started having horrible non stop contractions. I stayed near the fire fighters just in case somebody was going to be delivering Phoenix right there. It would have been near impossible to get to the overcrowded undermanned war zone of a hospital anyway. So finally we got to leave late that night and stayed at my mom's house with no power, and the contractions eased up when I layed down. The next day my mom and I go to the Dr and find out that baby bird supposedly weighs 7.8 lbs and we will be induced the next Sunday night! Ofcourse this should be a joyious time, but our whole city is in turmoil and my husband is a Civil servant, not to mention his military unit was also deployed here. So it was his duty to do all that he could, and I had to come second. Which I knew marrying someone in his line of work, its not always fair but its my job as his wife to be understanding and support him at home. Honestly after the tornado I didn't know when I would see him again with all the hours they were working. However the Police Dept was very understanding and he was able to go to the hospital with me Sunday night May 8th, Mothers day!!!

I guess I should start at the beginning..

Ok not the beginning of time, but the beginning of Phoenix. She is a blessing in every way from God. A dream I never imagined would come true. She possibly saved my life and has always had my heart. I guess I should start with the other half, Chris. We met 6 years ago completely serendipitous . I knew from the moment I saw him he was perfect for me. He tried to take me home with him without realizing that we lived in the same apartment complex side by side! I went to my own apartment after giving him my number. From that night on we were together everyday. Within two weeks we were living together in his apartment, while he was in the Police Academy and I was working in a daycare. We had so much fun playing house, but soon enough it was time to take the next step. We found a realtor and picked out a neighborhood and empty lot. Every Sunday we would go to look at our new house and all the progress, then out to eat. It was SO much fun. We moved into our new house May of 2007. Around September we were sitting in our quite livingroom talking and snuggling on our leather couch when out of the blue I asked Chris if he wanted to have a baby. He said sure (in his nonchalant way) I was really excited, but then something dawned on me. We wouldn't be a real family in the traditional sense. Don't get me wrong, I am far from traditional, but if Chris and the baby were going to have the same last name I wanted to to! So I told Chris I didn't want a "baby daddy" I wanted to be apart of his portuguese family too. So he said ok. Just like that.. I jumped up from the couch and called EVERYONE I knew and told them we were getting married. ( I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind.. haha) Then came timing: We have always had to live our lives around schedules. Military deployments, and ofcourse Alabama football! So Chris was leaving for Egypt for two weeks in November. I planned our wedding for the end of October before his deployment and inbetween home games  giving us a month to prepare. We had the most beautiful simple wedding in our Backyard. Perfect weather, all our friends and family were there. It was the 2nd best day of my life! I had already stopped my birth control in September (what can I say Chris and I don't like to wait for ANYTHING!) By December we were pregnant. I couldn't believe it was that easy, so right away I started prenatal appointments and vitamins. I was watching what I ate and taking great care. Pretty much tiptoeing when I walked. Everything was great. We saw our sweet little baby with a strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. Chris had to go to Mississippi for military training shortly after. Then on a Friday at work I started to spot. Immediately for some reason I knew it was over. This pretty little picture that I had painted was starting to tear around the edges. The Dr. told me it was probably fine, alot of women spot in early pregnancy as long as no cramping was involved just to watch it. I was at 10 weeks by then. Chris was gone and I was alone possibly losing our baby. So Saturday my dad refused to let me give up hope, he took me maternity clothes shopping and out to lunch. On the way home the double over cramping started. I went to the Dr. Monday morning and had the ultrasound that showed my tiny baby limp, no heart beat. I was scheduled for a D & C the next day. I went home and had to tell Chris over the phone that our first baby had died. He asked if he should come home. I told him no. I didn't want him to see me completely fall apart. I was so attached to this baby, it was apart of me. I wanted it more than anything in my life. I felt completely responsible. The baby died inside of me, on my watch. So a few months go by and we are pregnant by the end March . I didn't get my hopes up. I was cautious and pessimistic. I still did all the right things but I wasn't going to get hurt again. Around 6 weeks into the pregnancy I had a terrible pain begin on my right side. It kept getting worse and worse. I knew again as I did the first time, something wasn't right. We go to the emergency room and they confirm that I am pregnant and that its probably just normal pains. So we left and the pain subsided. I go to my Dr. the next day to do blood draws every 2 days. The results come back great! So here we go, I let myself get carried away. The next 2 days I was oblivious, on cloud nine! They decide just to be safe to do an ultrasound at the next blood draw. I was terrified of ultrasounds, after seeing what I had the first time. So the tech begins and works to find my baby. She can't. Until she looks past my womb to my right fallopian tube. There it was. attached, making my tube expand like a little balloon. I didn't cry yet. I had been preparing myself for this. I was more pissed off than anything. The first loss was an awful fluke. That, I could maybe live with. But this, this was like a kick in the face. What were the chances. I was a relatively healthy 22 year old. My tubes were clear. We shouldn't be having this happen to us. I fell apart in the Dr. office while talking about options. I was to have a methotrexate shot that would kill the folic acid (ie. my 2nd child) in my body. Blood draws every 2 days to make sure that the shot is doing its job. My first draw came back and my HCG levels were to the moon. My sweet little baby was not giving up without a fight! I had normal levels as if it were a normal pregnancy. I had an emergency ultrasound to see what was going on. Low and behold our baby was just like any fetus you would see at 6weeks and it had a perfect heartbeat. My fallopian tube was stretched to the max but I was in awe of this child that would not be snuffed out by modern medicine. It wanted to live damn it. So I went to the bathroom and fell against the stall door and onto the floor. I apologized to our baby and basically told it that I had to choose. Either our dream had to die or both of us. Ofcourse the Dr. wouldn't give me a choice. Thankfully because honestly I may have just went home and waited for the inevitable. Emergency surgery the next morning was scheduled. Maybe 3 months and here I was again being put to sleep. Except this time hurt alittle worse on the inside. I was willingly taking my seemingly normal fetus to the hospital to be surgically removed.. We are told to wait 6 months before trying again. I am prepared to wait a lifetime. I didn't think I could do it again. Chris and I talked about adoption. Which I had always wanted to do. I had never wanted to have my own child until I met Chris. I know this sounds macabre, but he has 2 of the most dangerous jobs imaginable, and  I love him so much I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have him. So my thoughts as irrational as they are, I will always have a piece of him in a child. So 6 months go by, and we don't try or not try. A few more months and nothing is happening. I am getting more comfortable with idea of pregnancy again. I start really trying by now, because Chris is getting ready to go on the longest deployment I had experienced. An entire year to Iraq.. I was franticly trying to get pregnant. and nothing. It was so easy the first 2 x. Now I think I must really be broken. Chris came home in June of 2010 and the Dr. has scheduled me an appointment to talk about fertility options for August. I skip my appointment because we are having such a good time just us and I reschedule it for September. I get ready for my cycle at the end of August and doesn't come. As anyone with fertility issues know you spend each month waiting with a pregnancy test in your hand. So out of habit I took one, knowing it would be negative like all the others. And it was.. I wasn't too upset I had already bought an ovulation kit to try in September so I was just waiting to start my cycle! and I didn't start. I was starting to feel pretty rough like I was getting sick. So I let a week go by and on Friday September 3rd I took my last pregnancy test. It was very positive!! I couldn't believe it! I was so happy! Chris seemed pretty happy too. So I called my Dr. right away and started the fun 2 day blood draws again. And steadily they rose perfectly. We had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks and there was our little nugget! At 8 weeks we had another ultrasound. The tech was getting ready to do the ontop ultrasound and I tried to tell her I wouldnt waste my time, I was measuring behind a little already, but she started and there was our sweet baby with a strong fast heartbeat! Our baby phoenix started her life and I was kind of starting my new life with her. I know this is forever long, but I don't want to forget all the ups and downs that brought her to me.